Living with a Disability: The Pee Equation

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Divya Babbar

Divya Babbar, a local 19 year old wheelchair user with Spinal Muscular Atrophy, negotiates the pitfalls of one cocktail too many

I  was at a girly lunch when, a piña colada later, my bladder began to swell. While my friend went on about her school reunion, I started to worry that my ‘pee math’ calculation had been inaccurate.

What is ‘pee math’ you may ask? Well, it is a mathematical principle unacknowledged by the wider population but extensively explored by the physically disabled. In basic terms, it is the principle that whatever goes in must, at some point, come out. The equation calculates the amount of liquid one can consume, before needing the loo. Believe me, it’s no fun when you can only go with help and you seriously doubt your companion’s ability to lift you!

So I thought I’d let you in on a little secret and present the ‘pee math’ that I’ve perfected. Whether you have a long car journey ahead, a strong desire to wear a leotard on a night out, or are hanging out with a disabled friend, these timings make life a lot easier.

Water – You would think that this liquid would have a clear-cut pee equation, but it doesn’t. The time it takes before having to go varies. For example, if you’re really thirsty you can drink up to two glasses and wait for four hours before having to visit the ladies. But, on other occasions, you can drink half a glass and have to rush off within 45 minutes!

Coffee – Depends on the coffee to milk ratio. More coffee than milk equals having to go to the bathroom sooner. So, if you order an espresso, americano or cappuccino you’ll have a swollen bladder within half an hour whereas a latte will give you one hour.

Fizzy drinks – You can easily consume one glass of Coke, Fanta or Sprite and wait two hours before wetting yourself.

Spirits – After one shot, give yourself about 30 minutes, but mix your spirit with something fizzy and it takes about one hour for your bladder to feel the full effect.

Cocktails – These are awful because they’re often made with many different types of alcohol and then, on top of that, mixed with juices. Cocktails may be a delicious treat but they can be a major diuretic and induce a burning sensation in the bladder after a mere 15 minutes.

Wine – You might as well drink this one while sitting on the toilet!

Are you inspired by Divya's column? Email her at divya1994@hotmail.com or tweet to @IMDivyaB