All Grown Up

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Divya Babbar columnist

In her final column, Divya Babbar, a local 20 year old wheelchair user, discusses having independence when you are dependent

Growing up is a biological process that you cannot stop. Feeling like a grown-up, however, is a different thing altogether. Feelings don’t always coincide with biological processes. Did you automatically feel like an adult on your 18th birthday? Or was it when you were held responsible for yourself and/or others?

When you’re in a wheelchair you never really experience being responsible for yourself. People help take care of us and may coddle us because they think that we are vulnerable, giving us assistance even when we don’t need it.

Wheelchair users are sceptical about being self-sufficient (for good reason) and this makes it hard for us to feel like we’ve ever grown up. Not being able to identify as an adult is the epitome of counter-productivity because, as a human, your life is steered in the direction of growing up and grasping all the opportunities that come with that. Now imagine feeling you will never get to that point and, on top of that, watching while everyone else around you begins to embody adulthood.

The solution is simple, as a wheelchair user you put less emphasis on what doesn’t define you as an adult and focus on what does. For me, this means remembering that I can make my own decisions instead of dwelling on the harsh reality that I can't drink a glass of water by myself.

While growing up is a feeling that comes from within, it also depends on the way people react to you. So when someone uses a babying tone of voice, underestimates us, or doesn’t let us do something that we can do by ourselves, our psyche suffers yet another minor identity crisis which, over time, can magnify into a larger sense of self-doubt.

So, on behalf of all wheelchair users, in this, my final column, I write:

“Dear Fellow Humans, I realize my physical aptitude is about that of a two-year-old child, but my mental aptitude exceeds that. Please pay attention to that part of me and not the other. Treat me according to my age, and notice the things I can do instead of judging me by those I can’t. Most of all, don’t tell me I can’t do something myself if I say that I can. Because that annoys everyone, whatever their age.

Thank you, love Divya.”