Breaking up is hard to do. But coffee and a good listening ear can help. Miranda Jessop finds just the thing in Richmond...
Having tried my very best to support many friends emotionally as they navigate their way through the pain and trauma of divorce, I have seen first-hand the devastating impact a break-up can have on a person’s health and well-being.
No one knows this better than Teddington resident Tracey Rodford. Not only is she an experienced divorce lawyer, but she has also been through her own marriage split. Now, together with life coach and fellow divorcee Annabel Lane, she is launching a new initiative to help alleviate some of the stresses and strains of separation.
Divorce Done Differently, coffee mornings will take place once a month in a private area at the Orange Tree pub in Richmond. Caffeine and conversation, as Tracey herself can testify, can often be the optimal restorative mix.
“Annabel and I first met through our ex-husbands when they worked together,” she explains. “After both our marriages broke down, we met for coffee to share experiences and talk about what we were doing in our present lives. It made us realise that, as much as family and friends are well-meaning and want to help, they can run out of energy talking about what you’re processing. Sometimes what you really want is a group of people around you who just get it.”
“Our vision is to create a supportive community where people can meet others who are going through something similar,” adds Annabel. “We can all be really good at going into warrior mode, especially if we’ve got kids, but it’s really important to have a space where you can let that guard down a little bit.”
Nor are these coffee mornings designed purely for social interaction, important though that is. Tracey and Annabel will also be there in a professional capacity to offer informal advice and support.
“Divorce is not just a clinical exercise in dividing up what you have – it’s an untangling and unravelling of years and years of joint endeavour,” says Tracey. “And that’s where there’s a lack of support. You can get a lawyer, and you can get a therapist, but there isn’t necessarily anything that straddles the two. It can all be so overwhelming. Annabel and I will be able to guide and support people and help them navigate some of the complexities without feeling overly committed.”
And Tracey, who practises at full-service law firm JMW Solicitors, has some sage advice for anyone in the early stages of a breakup.
“Getting legal advice early enables you to have a proper understanding of what divorce entails. You can then put together a plan. What a lot of people do – and this is not helpful – is to get angry about what the spouse is doing and then become defensive rather than proactive. With good advice early on, you can think about the next steps and plan your future.”
Annabel is a Jungian life coach who specialises in divorce and purpose coaching for women.
“My role is to empower people really to understand what it is that they want, what it is that they need and how to let go of what went before. It’s about getting rid of the attachment to that old identity, that old relationship, and feeling really empowered to step into your new life and create a big, exciting future for yourself.”
Both Tracey and Annabel are living proof that life after divorce can be truly positive: an outcome that Tracey has also seen in her professional capacity time and time again.
“Having observed people who have approached me as a lawyer in a very dark moment, I am always amazed at the journeys they go on. Often they’re at rock bottom. Seeing those individuals blossom into strong, empowered people never fails to impress me.
“I know it’s tough – I’ve been there – but there is purpose and light at the end of divorce, and if you want to find it, you will.”
JMW Solicitors LLP: jmw.co.uk; Annabel Lane, Divorce and Life Coach: annabellane.com
