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We review a Norway Fjords cruise

Fiona Adams finds her long-lost sea legs on a gastronomic cruise to Norway...

As my family would gleefully confirm, I am not a natural sailor. School Outward Bound trips would invariably see my canoe capsize; choppy ferry crossings find me braving the tempest on deck, eyes glued to the horizon; and on one family holiday I was even catapulted out of a kayak over a weir. Worst of all was a whale watching trip in South Africa, for most of which I lay on the floor of the boat praying for mercy. The video of this nautical nightmare – yes, there is one – shows me disembarking, green as a pea, looking as if I’d spent the afternoon in hell. Reader, I had. 

So when the prospect of a seven-day P&O cruise first appeared on the ocean rim, my joy was seriously confined. Still, Norway is one of my all-time favourite holiday destinations, and this special ‘Food Heroes’ break included three days in the company of celebrity chef and erstwhile enfant terrible, Marco Pierre White. It was a recipe I couldn’t resist.

And so, armed with two packets of Kwells, a set of adult travel bands and my good friend Rosie for company, I found myself at Southampton preparing to board MV Britannia. A 17-deck cornucopia of delights, P&O’s flagship vessel boasts a cinema, theatre, music lounge, casino, library, swimming pools, a huge gym, several bars and a ballroom. There is even a basketball court on the top deck, while gastronomes can savour restaurants endorsed by the likes pâtissier Eric Lanlard and wine expert Olly Smith, as well as a cooking school and three-day residency by a famous chef – in our case Marco. Paul A Young and Matt Tebbutt will feature later this year. 

We encountered Marco on our first night, as he hosted a three-course dinner in the cooking school. Surrounded by young P&O chefs blanched to the colour of milk with nerves, he held court like a benevolent, but unpredictable king. He stirred, he tasted, he answered endless questions and was utterly charming to us all. Having served two of the courses himself, he sat down amongst us with a glass of red and happily discoursed on everything from Brexit to Eddie the Eagle.

Among the week’s highlights was an excursion to Stavanger where we spent the day with Marco, visiting a farm that supplied produce to the smart Fish & Cow brasserie, where Norwegian celebrity Kjartan Skjelde is head chef. A morning foraging in the sunshine resulted in open pitta breads adorned with sour cream, curly kale flower buds, sorrel, dandelion and onion flowers, washed down by cabbage beer. Nature’s harvest at its finest. 

Later, at Skjelde’s test kitchen, we watched as he created exquisite dishes from lutefisk, goat cheese, lamb neck, local strawberries and cream cheese ice cream. As an appetizer, we had been served sour cream porridge topped with crispy reindeer heart – a gastronomic challenge that really sorted the women from the girls. 

Before all this, however, one has to embark – and with cruising, there is minimum faff. At Southampton staff are on hand to whisk away your luggage – you can pack your entire wardrobe if you wish – which magically reappears outside your cabin an hour or so later. Check-in is also rapid and the only time you need to show your passport. And, with limited Wi-Fi at sea, escape from daily life is an attainable dream. Some people never go ashore at all. 

There are visits to Bergen, Norway’s second-largest city, and to charming villages such as Olden. There are gondola rides to the mountaintops, kayaking adventures in crystal cold water, walking tours, shopping trips and hikes – all against the breathtaking backdrop of the fjords. The air is clean, wildflowers grow untamed and skies are a searing, cornflower blue. Traffic and the sound of sirens – mermaids aside – are rare. 

Speaking of which, we booked a lesson with the ship’s male dance professional, Andy, who once tripped up Paul O’Grady during a panto dance sequence – he’d been playing a fairy to O’Grady’s godmother. Giddy with excitement we followed the steps and, after 60 minutes of tuition, we weren’t half bad. Sadly, when later we tried to join other guests as they effortlessly cha-cha’d across the floor, we were badly hampered by two glasses of wine and a Pina Colada. At least, Rosie was. 

It wasn’t all plain sailing: a couple of alarms were accidentally tripped in the dead of night and disembarkation was also a bit of a scrum, but the rest of the time we slept like babies, feasted on the scenery and generally had a lot of fun.

And no, I didn’t get seasick once.

Fiona Adams travelled to the Norwegian fjords for seven nights on a P&O Food Heroes cruise. For info on cost and future dates visit: pocruises.com/themed-cruises/food-heroes

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