For most children, September means back to school. But for some it marks an even greater step, as they transition from primary to secondary education: a new school with new rules, experiences and classmates.
And this is also the time that many of them receive their first mobile phone, signalling a whole new set of parent-child boundaries and concerns.
“For lots of families this is already a hard transition,” says Dr Jenny Draisey, a clinical psychologist based in Guildford. “But with the question of phones on most 11-year-old lips, it makes it doubly tricky for parents.”
According to an article in the British Medical Journal (BMJ) earlier this year, the chair of the Academy of Medical Royal Colleges (AoMRC) has described young people’s use of social media as a “public health emergency akin to smoking”.
The warning came as the academy published its response to the Government’s consultation on potential restrictions for social media use among under-16s. A wide-ranging ban was subsequently announced by the then prime minister, Sir Keir Starmer, and is due to come into force in the spring of 2027.
For Jenny, the key is for parents to prepare for the inevitable pushback. Whether navigating requests for a first phone or dealing with the upcoming ban, she says, be ready to defend what you think is best for your family.
“Firstly, try to be clear about your values. It is these, rather than comparisons with other people, that should form the basis of your decisions. Then ask yourself how phones fit into all that.
“As a parent to an 11-year-old who is about to start secondary school, I have found it really useful to align myself with as many other parents as possible with similar beliefs and values to ours. It has helped me to stay strong.
“The impact of smartphone use on our children’s mental health is now so clear that delaying the first phone is just a no-brainer for me. So try to rest in the knowledge that, if you do delay, you’re doing a positive thing for your child’s long-term wellbeing, regardless of what other people think.”
While the outlawing of most social media use may benefit younger children, weaning off those already racking up the hours on platforms such as TikTok, Snapchat and YouTube poses another parental problem. For Jenny, however, necessity has proved the mother of invention.
“The upcoming ban is actually super helpful for giving children the message that we want to protect their childhood,” she says. “It enables parents to just say no. My daughter and I have a joint Instagram account. We have been completely honest with her about the ban and talked about how gradually to reduce the amount of time she is on the platform. At one stage she was on 20 minutes a day – now it’s down to seven. And we are still counting down.
“We have also tried to listen to her feelings and frustrations, and to find other ways for her to use her creative talents. I think the key is to be honest about the boundaries, start coming off slowly, and find an alternative outlet for whatever your child feels they will miss out on when the ban comes in.”
And while parents can no longer ignore the dangers of social media, explaining them to children without sowing seeds of unnecessary fear is a hard road to traverse.
“One of the best ways is to ask your child their opinion and be curious about what they think. What have they liked about social media and what will they especially miss? What do they think might be the potential cons or dangers? Why do they think it has been banned? What would they do if they were the parent in this situation?”
But whether you are trying to negotiate new rules, enforce the social media ban or just explain why your family may do things differently from that of a newfound friend, Jenny insists that it’s the conversations themselves that are key.
“Being openly curious with our children enables them to feel seen, heard and listened to,” she says. “That sets them free to be more open and honest with us and increases the likelihood that they will feel part of the decision, not just the recipients of the outcome.
“Keeping that line of communication open is one of the most protective things a parent can do.”
- For tips on how to manage smartphone use visit: smartphonefreechildhood.org
- For more on Dr Draisey’s guidance for families, head to: drjennydraisey.substack.com
- For further information: surreyhealthcareclinic.com
