Pop star parenting

As Paloma Faith prepares for her performance at the Palace, she talks motherhood and music with Rosanna Greenstreet 

She last rocked Hampton Court Palace Festival back in 2015. This month Paloma Faith is set to return, weaving it into her UK summer tour. Her new record, The Architect, has hit the number one spot and is likely to become her fourth double platinum album – a record for a British woman – while 2018 has already seen the singer, songwriter and actress chalk up an arena tour and a Brit nomination for Best Female. And yet, as with most new parents, her primary focus is not on her success, but on her child.

Paloma, whose hits include Picking Up the Pieces and Only Love Can Hurt Like This, has always wanted to be a mum. When I met her in 2012, she was open about her plan to have a child, with or without a partner. The years went by, she met French artist Leyman Lahcine and, in December 2016, she gave birth to the couple’s first baby. As she has since found, however, for all the anticipatory longing, parenthood can be  overwhelming.

“There are so many bad things!” she exclaims with characteristic candour, no doubt thinking back to her 20-hour labour and the emergency caesarean which brought her premature baby into the world, as well as the nuts and bolts of learning how to look after another human being. “This weekend, I binge-watched a Netflix series called The Letdown on what motherhood’s really like. I cried from start to finish – even though it’s a comedy!  

“I had wanted kids since I was 25 and I love being a mother, but I felt very alone. There is a lot of stuff that comes with motherhood that people don’t talk about and that I wish that I had known. It was the loneliness that was so terrible, and the lack of sleep and mental health issues that come with it.”

The only child of a single parent, Paloma, now 36, was raised in Hackney by her mother after her Spanish father left when she was just two. She often talks about her closeness to her mum: a ready source of help, one might have thought, during her own early days as a mother. But not so. 

“No!” she says emphatically. “My mum is amazing now because my child is a toddler with a personality, but at the beginning, forget it. She ran! I always knew that she was anxious around babies. She feels the responsibility and doesn’t like the vulnerability of babies when their heads are bobbing to one side and their nappies are full of black tar. 

“My mum was an amazing mother, but she struggled with me as a baby and she struggled with my baby too. That’s okay, it’s not a criticism, but it just meant that I was very isolated.”

Most new mums, of course, can draw on other parents for help. For global superstars, however, accessing the local parent/toddler group is a challenge.

“It’s different for pop stars,” agrees Paloma. “You can’t have that mum group thing which is so important.”

So, for support she turned to her own community, messaging fellow musicians who are mothers. 

“I spoke quite a bit to Jessie Ware, as she was in the same boat, and I reached out to Adele and Rebecca Ferguson. I also got my team to ask Pink’s team for some tips when it comes to touring.” 

With Pink’s advice and a nanny on board, Paloma was able to negotiate her recent arena dates. Finding a new nanny for the summer tour, however, has been “an absolute nightmare”.

“I have had every possible twist and turn – from the most useless human being who didn’t know that Calpol comes with a spoon to somebody with the best training, supposedly super experienced, who didn’t show up or even text. Just disappeared! When I heard that this person was not coming, I just broke down and said: ‘I don’t know how to do this.’ I was considering stopping altogether.”

Thankfully for her legion of fans, Leyman stepped in. 

“I am so lucky,” she reflects. “My partner said: ‘I’m going to stop work and come with you and look after our baby for 12 months.’ So now I feel really confident because my child is with the father. I plan to tour globally, so I hope that we will see the world and experience this mad rollercoaster together. I think it will be really good for all of us to have these 12 months to bond as a family. 

“Before, I felt under pressure to handle everything – to be the main breadwinner, organise childcare, cook meals. I was stretched and it did affect our relationship massively. Now a big piece of the pie has gone to him and I feel that it’s really going to benefit us.”

In the press, much has been made of the fact that the couple has decided not to reveal the baby’s name or sex. This is less about gender neutrality as protecting the privacy of the child. 

“Celebrity is the result of my ambition to share my creativity with the world and I struggle with that element of my job,” says Paloma. “I don’t want my choices to affect anyone else – my partner, my mother or, of course, my child. Especially not my child, who is obviously an innocent. 

“I want my little person to have the opportunity to grow into whoever and whatever they want to be, which I don’t feel would happen in the public eye. What if they evolve into somebody who is introverted, or shy, or has anxiety around attention? I don’t want to force them into this world that they didn’t choose.” 

The challenge, of course, will be to maintain this approach once the child starts school. Paloma is pragmatic. 

“I also don’t want to raise my child to feel restricted, so I won’t encourage them to be paranoid or stop them from going round to their friends’ houses or whatever. I’ve already started my child in nursery and have said to the staff: ‘Please understand that this is a sensitive issue and, within the best of your power, I would appreciate it if you didn’t tell people who they are.’ 

“By accident, I’ve already revealed the gender of my child to some journalists. When that happens, I just have to rely on my belief in humanity and say: ‘Look, I’ve slipped up, please respect the decision I have made for my child.’ So far so good.”

As for the future, it would be understandable if – given her difficult labour and the complexities of pop star parenting – Paloma had shelved the idea of further babies. But not a bit of it.

“Yeah, I would love to,” she says at once. Then comes a giggle. “I’ve obviously forgotten how awful it was!”

On June 8, Paloma plays Hampton Court Palace Festival, which runs from June 5-23; hamptoncourtpalacefestival.com.

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