What on earth are men for? Marcus Brigstocke’s latest tour, which calls in at Twickenham this month, is about to reveal the answer. Here, the funny fast-talking comedian gives Deana Luchia a few hints...
Who were your male heroes growing up?
Depending on the day of the week or the month or my age, sometimes my dad, but also sometimes specifically not my dad. Which is normal and healthy and right. He’s a great guy.
The Fonz was very influential growing up. A man in his 40s who hung out with a group of schoolchildren had a string of inconsequential relationships which overlapped, lived in a rented space above a stranger’s garage and whose office was a public toilet in a café.
Also, Kermit the Frog.
Who were your comedy heroes?
Robin Williams. His An Evening at the Met is one of the definitive works in stand-up. And also The Muppets. Look at what was on that show! There were some of the best jokes ever.
Who was your favourite Muppet?
Kermit. And then Gonzo – he was so subversive. Gonzo began one of his sketches with “Fans of the occult…” [Marcus does a great Gonzo impersonation]. This is a kids show! And Animal is great. I have a picture signed by Frank Oz, who did Animal’s voice, and he chewed the photo so that it looked like it had come from Animal. It’s one of my most prized possessions.
You’ve been very open about your addictions to food, porn, drink and drugs. What was the hardest to quit?
Food. Food. Food. All the others, you can stop. They sting a little bit when you first give them up, but food is so hard. I have to eat three meals a day, and I’m still really compulsive around it and struggle with it all the time.
How should someone choose a therapist?
When you get a therapist, there’s a good chance you’re not in a position to make a good decision about who that should be. Most people will say yes to the first one. It’s expensive and time-consuming to try several, but if you possibly can, do it.
Then ask: ‘How do we end this?’ If you see a physiotherapist, your treatment ends when your leg, or whatever, is better. But a lot of therapy is turning over rock after rock, looking for pain. It’s a good business model. So, ask them to tell you how it will end.
Are any subjects out of bounds on your stand-up tours?
Anything that I can’t make funny. If you’re not laughing, I haven’t done my job.
When was the last time you lied?
I don’t do it very much for someone who has lied a lot in my life. If you’re an addict, you will already have lied shitloads to the most important people. So I don’t really lie very much.
Andy Hollingworth Archive
When was the last time you lied to yourself?
Just then [he grins]. When I said I don’t lie very much.
What’s the most overrated virtue?
Being clever. I admire and love clever people, and they’re usually easy to love and admire because they’re so clever. But it’s not a patch on kindness.
How many good friends do you have?
About seven, I’m really close to.
Which four living men would you invite over for dinner at your house?
Keir Starmer is too busy, we hope. I might just ask four great comedians. My friend Andrew Maxwell is so funny, so sublimely funny. I love him. My friend Rob Rouse. Tom Ward is a brilliantly funny man. And Bill Bailey.
And what would you all listen to over dinner?
I’d inflict some Art Blakey and the Jazz Messengers on them.
Which four dead men would you ask on a road trip?
Jim Henson, Robin Williams, Dizzy Gillespie and Bowie.
And who would be in charge of the music?
Dizz. Well, me first and then Dizz. I’d love to say Bowie could choose, but he’d choose pretty weird shit.
SGP
If you could join any band, what role would you play in it?
I’d be the peacemaker in Pink Floyd. Between recording and writing sessions, I’d put Roger Waters to sleep, using very heavy sedatives, so that he’s not allowed to speak or think, and I’d try to keep Dave Gilmour a bit lighter and jollier, maybe doing a few pranks and japes with him.
What’s the best thing your father taught you?
Be honest about your taxes. My father worked in the City and there were all sorts of schemes available, but my dad has always just played a straight bat. He’s far from being a socialist, but he believes in how we pay for each other.
What’s the best thing you’ve taught your own children?
That being funny is a worthwhile pursuit. The sound of laughter is a wonderful thing.
What’s the best thing about being a parent?
Watching them learn new things. Tiny, incremental things every day, and then sometimes it’s a big thing and it’s like, wow! Brandi Carlile has this great song, You Without Me, about watching her daughter become separate from her, and it’s filled with pain, but it’s also really beautiful, because that separation is what’s important – it’s what we’re trying to do.
What do you most love about being a man?
Being a dad to my kids [he has three] and seeing those moments when you’re uniquely the male parent. That might just be a bit of physical stuff, a bit of rough and tumble. And yes, lots of women are physically stronger than I am, so these binaries don’t really work. But I can pick up Billy [his three-year-old son] and put him on my shoulders in a single movement. He goes from tired to comforted with a great view in under a second.
Do you prefer fiction or non-fiction?
I steer towards non-fiction and always regret it. I much prefer fiction. But I don’t know what to pick. I’m reading my wife’s [fellow comedian, Rachel Parris] book at the moment: Introducing Mrs Collins [out in November].
It overlaps with Pride and Prejudice, where Charlotte Lucas marries Mr Collins, the awful, tedious vicar. It’s very good, very funny, and it’s a little bit sexy.
As a cheese lover and sometime ‘international cheese judge’, what’s your favourite?
Depends on the day. If it were today…I’ve just found a really great buffalo milk cheese from Somerset called Guinevere. It’s amazing. Very fudgy and rich. It’s very hard to get hold of. Quite a small production.
You used to be a podium dancer. What gets you dancing at 50+?
Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now) by C+C Music Factory, any James Brown and any Prince. I was good when I was a podium dancer, but now I jiggle around like a 52-year-old. Which is right because that’s what I am.
Marcus Brigstocke comes to The Exchange, Twickenham, on Oct 25 as part of MENtalk, a two-day festival exploring men’s health and happiness (exchangetwickenham.co.uk). He will also be appearing at Cranleigh Arts on Oct 17 (cranleigharts.org) and Riverhouse Barn in Walton on Nov 8 (riverhousebarn.co.uk)
