A patchwork of family memories

Alice Cairns talks to Frédérique Hull about her story sharing website, Family Quilt

Families are full of stories: in-jokes, legends, quirky tales of improbable characters and sepia memories of our earliest years. But for every story preserved, dozens fall forgotten by the wayside, trampled by the march of time. That’s why Windsor resident Frédérique Hull has set up Family Quilt, a new website dedicated to collecting and sharing the stories that make our families special. 

The idea came to her two years ago, while she was spending a family Christmas in France. Seated at the dinner table, surrounded by his children and grandchildren, Frédérique’s 91-year-old dad began to talk about his childhood. At first, Frédérique was fascinated by this glimpse into his past. Then, unexpectedly, she began to feel sad. 

“I’m not really the kind of person who asks lots of questions,” she tells me over coffee in her Windsor home. “It’s just not my way. But that evening I realized that my father wasn’t going to live for ever, and that when he went he’d take not just his own stories, but those of my grandparents with him. I saw that if I didn’t get some of those stories out, I’d lose them.”

A few weeks later the idea for her website emerged. 

“I’ve had lots of business ideas in my life,” she laughs, “and my husband is my first sounding board. Quite often he hasn’t been too keen, but this time he said: ‘You know, I think that’s a really interesting thought.’” 

And so Family Quilt was born. Users collect and record their family tales, reflections and even recipes through a mix of pictures, voice recordings and text, helped by a list of questions and prompts. Over time, this patchwork of stories and snippets becomes a ‘family quilt’: a virtual creation combining family tree, photo album and memoir on a single, easy-to-use platform. Frédérique has even used her own family as guinea pigs to ensure that the website is accessible to anyone aged between10 and 90.

It hasn’t always been an easy ride: Frédérique’s older relatives were initially reluctant to open up.

“They don’t come from a culture where sharing is encouraged,” she tells me. “Often they’re worried about being boring, or they feel that they haven’t had an exciting life – they haven’t won medals or travelled the world or discovered things. 

“But that’s not what matters! It’s the mischievous stories, the first girlfriend: that’s what really counts. They just need a little nudge.” 

Fortunately the gentle coaxing paid dividends. Witness Frédérique’s mother-in-law. 

“We never knew her when she was in her twenties. Suddenly you hear all these stories and think: ‘Oh my god, you were a party animal!’ You discover a side of your parents that you never knew, which is lovely.”

Nor is it only distant memories that the website is designed to record. 

“I play golf with a lot of70 year olds and they are incredibly active people. They go on holiday, they have a life – they don’t just hark back to the past.” 

Frédérique herself has led the way in logging more up-to-date tales, uploading stories from her son’s last day at university and her husband’s PhD graduation.

Cynics may scoff. With Instagram and Facebook continually urging us to publish everything from holiday snaps to reflections of mind-numbing banality, why exactly would we need another platform dedicated to sharing memories? For Frédérique, it’s the stories that set Family Quilt apart. 

“In this day and age,” she says, “we mainly keep pictures. Yet when I look at those I took 15 years ago, I still love the photos but I don’t remember the stories that went with them. With very old snaps it’s even worse – my granddad had photos that meant a lot to him, but I don’t know the people or the places, so the meaning has faded. A proper memory always requires a story.”

More than that, believes Frédérique, people need a space for sharing raw, unedited, truthful narratives about their lives. 

“A lot of people are on Facebook and other social networks, but the stories on there don’t reflect real life,” she insists. “What we’re trying to do is to help people record something that is real: the good things and the bad things, the happy things and the sad things, the big things and the little things. In the end that’s what people will want to hear later on.” 

When Frédérique’s mother-in-law began to use the site, her first instinct was to record only her happiest memories. After a while, however, she adjusted her approach. 

“She came back and said: ‘My life wasn’t always happy, you know, and there are some quite painful events that I think should be documented too.’ And that’s it – we want to know about the reality. The point of family is that you’re accepted and loved no matter what; that you don’t have to portray a person that you’re not.”

And while Facebook and the like may facilitate connection in the here and now, Family Quilt has the long term very much in mind. 

“Often the way we interact with family is very in the present – we have WhatsApp groups and send messages like: ‘What are you doing? What shall we have for dinner? When are you home?’ But with Family Quilt there’s a firm eye on posterity – a sense of wanting things to last a little.“

Check it out at familyquilt.net

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