Parting from your pet is such sorrow. But a beautiful resting place can sweeten it. Jane McGowan visits Silvermere Haven pet cemetery
In July 1984, after about two years of my consistent nagging, my parents finally gave in and agreed to buy me a puppy. It was a decision hastened somewhat by my burst appendix and subsequent hospitalisation – although I cannot, in all conscience, recommend such dire extremities as a means of persuasion.
I’d seen off all the standard objections. “We’re not going to walk it or feed it. If you want a dog you’ll have to do it yourself” etc, etc. All of which, I might add, fell rapidly by the wayside as Candace Rebecca McGowan (Candy for short) became effectively my baby sister. But the main sticking point had been rather more sombre: the simple fact that pets get poorly and they die.
And sure enough, 13 years later and already a news-hardened hack, I nevertheless sobbed for days after my dad phoned to tell me that our beloved border terrier cross had barked her last and gone to that great big kennel in the sky.
Fast-forward 20 years and I am delivering similar objections to my daughter, who is desperate for a cat. I warn of busy roads, no more holidays and end-of-life misery, yet somehow my husband ends up driving 120 miles after work to purchase not one, but two kittens.
Within days, however, Ivy – a little ball of black and white fluff – fell sick, and my husband and I were taking turns in nursing her through the night and administering overpriced antibiotics.
Luckily she pulled through. But the very thought of anything happening to what quickly become irreplaceable members of the family is, well...unthinkable.
Inevitably though the time will come, leaving you with a massive hole in your life. Good to know, therefore, that there are dedicated places for remembering your lost animals or, should you wish, giving them a dignified send-off.
Silvermere Haven in Cobham is one of a growing number of pet cemeteries and crematoria across the country where much-loved pets can be laid to rest or have their ashes interred. At Silvermere you can even go in too when the time comes.
Started in 1977 by Michael and Pam Gilbert, the cemetery is now run by their daughter, Debbie, and is the final resting place of more than 3,000 animals, from guinea pigs to Great Danes.
“Pets are members of the family, and I think we give people the comfort that they are still being cared for once they are no longer with us,” explains Debbie. “As with all loved ones, those first few hours and days after the death are very emotional.”
If your animal passes away at the vet’s, the practice will put you in touch with companies such as Silvermere, as disposal of the body is imperative. But it’s up to you as to what happens next.
“Some people just ask the vet to deal with it and prefer to remember their pet as she or he was,” says Debbie. “But others want a full-blown funeral. We have had priests here before, saying a few prayers over the grave.”
In the early days, burials were the more popular option, but now most customers are choosing to cremate their pet on either an individual or a group basis (in accordance with their preference or pocket). The crematorium has a mass plot in its surrounding woodland where ashes can be buried or scattered.
“Often owners like this, as it reminds them of how their animal loved the outdoors, or because they hate the idea of their pet’s being alone.”
As Debbie points out, however, it’s wholly up to you as to how big the occasion should be. Prices start at £400 for a basic memorial, but Silvermere offers a complete package to include collection of the body, which is then placed in a lined, veneered coffin until the day of the funeral. There is a small chapel of rest on site where you can say goodbye to your pet with the casket either open or closed.
All a little OTT? As Debbie talks me through the process and shows me into the quiet room with its tiny, altar-style plinth where the coffin rests, surrounded by flowers and candles, I do begin to wonder what sort of person would want all this.
One glance through the book of remembrance supplies the answer. Each page is filled with words of utter devotion, children’s drawings and scrawled messages about playing on the beach in heaven. All penned by people whose lives have been enriched by owning a pet and who are doing all they can to thank them for their years of companionship.
Some owners hold a small service in the chapel of rest, involving anything from a few prayers to a full-blown Powerpoint presentation complete with soundtrack, before making their way to the graveside where staff will lower the casket into the prepared ground.
“It’s totally up to you,” says Debbie. “We are not here to judge. Often we are dealing with really distressed people who ring up about their pet in a panic, having forgotten all their vet’s instructions on what to do with the body. If they need time to work things out, that’s fine. But other people just prefer to get it over with.”
Walking round Silvermere, I observe that some graves are still beautifully tended despite being over 20 years old. And again, plaques bearing such phrases as “beloved friend” and “brave soldier” cannot fail to bring a lump to the throat.
“We have ladies who come each week to tend to their plots and there are a number of people who send bouquets on anniversaries or birthdays,” says Debbie. “But I think that, for a lot of people, it’s enough just to know that their pet has been laid to rest and is safe. Once that initial grief has gone, they don’t want to keep coming back and opening old wounds.”
For a few families, Silvermere will not only be the final resting place for their pets, but for themselves too. One plot is already home to a gentleman and four deceased cats, while space has been left for his wife and one more pet.
“That’s fine with us,” says Debbie. “For some people the pets are their children and understandably they want to be with them.”
Along with the touching goes the quirky. One site is home to a family of rats and there is also an alligator named Monty, who rests in a shady spot at the edge of the gardens.
And while it would be easy to scoff at these excesses, Silvermere is undoubtedly providing a very worthwhile service that has brought much comfort to many over the past 40 years. Moreover, after chatting to Debbie, I can well imagine that her laid-back, welcoming manner is just what people need in the midst of their emotion.
At Silvermere no request is too trivial and every effort is made to fulfil customers’ wishes. Not only will Debbie place bouquets on a memorial, but she also takes a photo of the scene and emails it to the sender.
“We’re here for a chat, whether you’ve been recently bereaved or are making a one-off visit after several years. There’s always someone to have a word with and we do like to know how people are getting on. We hope that we’ve helped in some way.”
For more info visit: silvermerehaven.co.uk
